| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2009|04:26 pm] |
Man do I feel emptied out. Time to fill myself with enrichment and optimism.
or just anything other than feelings of bitterness, cold, worthlessness, any/all that I have heading toward me now. Its like I'm in an ocean on a raft and theres this huge black wave coming for me but I'm paddling away from it. I guess we'll see what happens. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2009|05:06 am] |
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Feeling almost bitter. Almost. I'm trying to sleep in my own bed for the first time in over a week. Seeing as how its 5am, its not going so hot. Work in the sun.. or rain.. tomorrow. My body is too young to break from hard work. Too flexible. I dont feel my heart in anything. I feel no passion. Cant write music lately. All my fingers are cut up from work. Can't sleep, can't get myself off, can't feel much but numbness. I'm sure I'll shake it off, at least I hope. Everything feels so weird, like I'm on another planet. Ive been laying in bed staring at the wall in silence. I want my enthusiasm back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2009|10:17 pm] |
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Not looking forward to this birthday at all. Been working hard. Doing manual labor sucks, but it's therapeutic, too. Wouldn't mind a bright ray of sunshine. Hell, I'd settle for a flicker. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|04:08 am] |
I wonder how many soul-crushing feelings there are? When your favorite band breaks up, when one of your friends die, unrequited love, when they take your favorite item off the menu, your dog runs away and utterly disappears, all your favorite songs remind you of an ex, someone tears you down at work and you cant do anything about it... its like you lose something that you will never ever get back.
I'm trying to get tight at work. I'm moving up quickly but apparently not fast enough. I'm trying to "play the game", to work life from an angle. To act like I fit in and have everything under control.
It's hard, man. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2009|02:48 am] |
If I had a role model, maybe they could tell me how I should feel. Cant connect. I feel like I'm being dulled down. Calloused. I feel how I used to feel. Maybe I should drink some coffee, get my head straight, write it all out. Maybe I should go swimming. I cant sleep, I cant even imagine sleeping. I'm haunted. I ask for too much and give too little.
Eventually I hope to never even remember feeling like this. To look back at young adulthood and only remember the parties, the laughter, the love.
But nights like tonight, where I think I may be undiagnosed bipolar and am starved so starved for something.. I want this feeling to be swept away. I want this to change. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2009|03:04 am] |
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I decided I am going to be a bluesman and a carpenter. I want to restore antique furniture and build my own damn house and take union classes. And I want to play slide guitar while wearing a toolbelt. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2009|12:37 am] |
Exercise is so therapeutic for me. Gotta drill it in my head to just work out to work it out. Playing guitar is good, too. But nothing quite like pushing yourself physically.
I made awesome burgers today, topped with a jalapeno pico de gallo sauce that i made with chipotle mayo. They had cayenne pepper and lemon basil. Fuck eating just salads.
I feel ready to face this week. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|03:46 pm] |
Its weird to think about your partner in past relationships. To think about them saying the same things they say to you to someone else. Or them imagining a future with the other person, now your face is just pasted over theirs. To think about the lies they told that person. I wonder if they're the same lies im being told now
Anyway, jtown is lonely |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|03:37 am] |
I think I need to go into isolation for a few weeks. I dont know what to do, say, think, or feel.
I've been learning how to play blues guitar, it's pretty therapeutic.. but it doesnt really last. Maybe I just need to focus on it more/ if the guitars always on my mind, she wont be? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|07:50 am] |
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Man, this staying positive bullshit fucking sucks. I tried to stay positive all week, and now things are ten times worse! Tomorrow (today) I am going to just work my aggression out on this house my grandfather bought, ia m going to tear the shit out of the floor and walls so hopefully by the end of the day, i will feel better and have finished the first part of renovating the house. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|04:13 am] |
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No matter what happens, I'll always land on my feet. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2009|01:21 am] |
So I've been trying to figure out how to make ramen noodles better. it isnt going so well. I've also been trying to quit smoking. That isn't working out so great, either.
At least I have Tom Goes to the Mayor to keep shit live.
Also, I'm fucking stoked on Rachel coming back from Canada to be with me in two motherfucking weeks! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2008|11:23 pm] |
whoa, whats up livejournal? its been a whiile. i started reading watchmen..its so boring. ive been blasting music and sleeping in warm places, so thats good. my power is out at my house, because im so tight i didnt pay the bill. im at helen's right now, she was SUPPOSED to be home like 2 hours ago, i hope i dont fall asleep on her couch.
i dont even know what to throw on here right now
soon ill hook it up with something interesting to read. promise. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2008|08:00 pm] |
Well I dated a really cool girl for a short time, but I guess I'm just too busy with work and fucking up to focus on that. I'm moving to an apartment on broadway and baxter here in like 2 weekz, thats tight. i guess I should buy a car? i dont want one that bad, but I guess I need one sorta.
I found out that I don't hate soy milk anymore, it's actually quite delicious.
The other day, some fucker tried to tell me about some bullshit I should sign up for with my work, and pay money to for advertising in a magazine no one reads or some shit. That night, I had a dream that I murdered him. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|09:03 pm] |
Oh soup /lj/
heres some shit thats been goin awn.
I been .. wait. It's list time.
-Cut my hours at work a bit, 70 was too much for 1 week
-Gettin tight and feelin good
-Ridin my moped, when it feels like working and when its not cold/wet outside
-speaking of outside, spring is soo so so close, I am relieved/excited
-saving up so much dollars. I was looking at my bank shit today, goddamn im rich.
-sort of not really but maybe talking to a girl
-I have slept on a floor in a while!
-looking to move at the end of this month/early next month
-no more choking on that weed smoke (for the most part)
-taking bad cellphone pictures (was gonna post, but im lazy)
alright, thats it yallz |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2008|05:16 pm] |
Life is stuck in repeat. Wake up, work, home, sleep. I go out sometimes, but thats pretty much it.
Meeting new people would be pretty awesome. I just gotta wait until it's warm outside again..
I spoke with mike briefly today. HE bought a phone card but it didnt say how many minutes were on it. Without my homeboy, life is dull and I dont feel too strong a need to do much of anything. I have adopted this closed minded, "i dont need anything" attitude, it sorta sucks.
I feel so lethargic. lay around..eat some food, maybe look out the window every once in a while. What the hell |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2008|05:27 pm] |
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Well, I'm still alive. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2007|01:52 am] |
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I learn from my mistakes, so I guess thats good..but god damn do I make a lot of mistakes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|06:20 pm] |
I just got off work, I've been awake for 32 hours, and I feel good.
Work is tight. I've been seeing a lot of Erica, Nate, Matisse, Speaks, and malt liquor. I am ALIVE |
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| DREAM LOG |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|08:28 am] |
getting laid, then hanging out with the Wu-Tang Clan. We smoked blunts and listened to insanely trippy new songs in the studio, then ghostface and I rode the bus to get more weed and we got kicked off because he slapped a girl straight in the face. When we got back, Rza and I had a rap conversation in which I told him about Marc not showing up or bouncing out unexpectedly rather often, and he told me (rapped to me) about how I should handle the situation.
"How can Hip hop be dead when WU-TANG is forever?" |
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